The Phenomena of Ugly Shoes

The “ugly shoes” phenomena is something I first noticed during my college days. It’s a three-part cycle that goes like this. First, I spot the hideous shoes. “Wow, those are ugly” is my immediate reaction. Next, I begin to see them more and more frequently, and soon they are ubiquitous. “Why are so many people buying these dreadful shoes?” I wonder. “You’ll never catch me in a pair.” Finally, over time, I come to want a pair myself. Over the years, my wardrobe has been filled with ugly shoes. Here are a few.

Ugg boots, five toe running shoes, Doc Martens, Dr. Scholl’s (Who remembers them?! I had a pair in middle school and they may have been my original trendy yet ugly shoes.), Crocs (I have a pair in pink), the list of ugly shoes goes on and on. What are your favorite ugly shoes? Share your story in the comment section of this post.

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Birkenstock Sandals

I noticed Birkenstocks during my college days as they were popular among the Dead Head/jam band crowd I identified with at the time. 

Birkenstock in those days were primarily suede, so they could easily get a bit tatty. The more diehard (And often times scuzzy) members of the Dead Head/jam band clan had them first and wore them constantly. Often, the suede was matted, the color was a putrid sawdust hue, and when worn with chunky wool socks (Also in drab earth tones), Birkenstocks were about as fashionable as a potato sack dress. “No, thanks,” was my first impression. 

Over time, practicality and wanting to be part of the tribe got to me and I bought my first pair of Birkenstocks. This was before internet shopping was a thing, and I snapped up a pair at a shoe store on Tinker Street in Woodstock, New York.  

There weren’t many colors or styles to choose from in those days. Two big swaths of leather crossed my feet and the sculpted footbed provided cushioning. These crunchy kicks were great for dancing at a show, provided easy on and for access when it came time to kick a hacky sack, and could be worn comfortably for hours. Why hadn’t I gotten a pair sooner?

I was pleased with myself. Not only did I now have Birkenstocks, I purchased them in Woodstock, a small Bohemian paradise in the Catskills. This was a sure sign I was a “real” Dead Head, not a poseur.

I have owned several pairs of Birkenstocks over the years and eventually, some of their more stylish sandals joined my wardrobe along with the traditional hippie sandals. Whether it was the two-strappers or the more fashionable kind, I always kept mine nice and clean and never let the suede or the footbed become ratty. I wasn’t one of those Dead Head girls running around in broomstick skirt and ragged sandals. 

Dansko Clogs

Dansko clogs made it into my scene in the early 2000s when I was in the first few years of my career. Danskos are not overly casual nor are they overly dressy. These clunky shoes are shaped like a bulbous kidney bean and sport a boxy, orthopedic-looking sole. There’s a heft to these clogs making them a bit clompy; the kind of shoe my grandmother would call a clodhopper. I have even heard them called the Volvo station wagon of footwear; boxy and utilitarian but well-made and practical.

Other than the occasional wobbly ankle after a misstep on a pebble, Danskos are easy to walk in and comfortable. I have owned a few pairs over the years, always brown or black. Danskos can be worn with work clothes or jeans, they work well with a Demin mini skirt, and their easy on/off nature make them my go-to choice for quick errands around town.  A staid black pair is part of my wardrobe today. 

Blundstone Boots

These days there’s a new type of hideous shoe that has crept into my consciousness. A few years ago, I noticed an uptick in popularity of Blundstones, those no-frills Australian farm boots. They don’t come in many styles or colors, and there isn’t much variety to them other than a women’s model with a modest heel. Made of durable leather with a rubber bottom, they are sturdy for sure but fashionable they are not.  My first impression, once again, was “not for me.”

Recently, I’ve been looking for a pair of black shoes. My Dansko clogs are holding up well, but their low profile can be troublesome during a snowy Montana winter. I was hoping to something a little taller; not really a tall boot but one that comes to the ankle. Maybe a pair of Blundstones. I had refused for a long time but the other day, I tried on a pair.

Miraculously, the store had my hard-to-find size, women’s 5.5. And they had them in black. It was a sign, and I was almost certain I’d walk out of the store with my next pair of ugly shoes. Unfortunately, my foot, with its high instep, was reluctant to slide into them. I tugged. I pulled. I probably even grunted. It wasn’t pretty, but once I got them on my feet they were comfortable. I was torn. I was up for a new pair of shoes, but did I really want a pair that was an ordeal to put on? The salesgirl suggested I buy a size up or take them into Carter’s to get them stretched. Did I really want to spend the money on shoes to go ahead and spend more money to get them altered? 

I left the store empty handed. The newest trend in ugly shoes was not to be part of my wardrobe. Will I break down and buy a pair? We will see.

I’m curious to see the next type of ugly shoe that becomes popular to the masses. I’m not sure what it will be, but I imagine that they will be comfortable and utilitarian. 

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I haven't written about fashion before but several times I have written about gear and lifestyle wear. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Contemplating gear choices: http://annvinciguerra.blogspot.com/2021/02/outdoor-idiosyncrasies.html
• Be an outdoor athlete or just look like one: http://annvinciguerra.blogspot.com/2017/12/lifestyle-apparel-2.html
• The Louis Vuitton chalk bag:  http://annvinciguerra.blogspot.com/2019/07/vl-chalk-bag.html